There are days where I still catch myself falling into the trap of comparing myself to other Women. Especially when it comes to looks. When I was about 16 these Women/Girls where mostly White or of a lighter skin color. At that age, I wore my beautiful curly hair straight ALL THE TIME (which led to my big chop but that’s another story) and worst of all started saving money for a Nose Job and Breast reduction. My Nose and Bussom had been the two things I truly deeply hated about myself – When I looked around me at School and in Magazines, all the Girls had perky noses a small chests, straight hair, light skin – I felt so ugly inside and out, that I did things to my body to make myself feel better just for a while e.g: getting Brazilian Keratin Treatments so that my hair would stay straight for two months, hiding my chest with bad posture and big clothes, experimenting with all kinds of nose reduction techniques at home and the worst of the worst – I ordered my first (and last) lighting creme. At 16 !!!
I had no one to look up to who had the same skin color as me. My Family lived in Africa and even if I have my Mom and her Sisters there who are the toughest Black Women I knew – they just weren’t in the same Country while I went through Puberty.
Only about three years ago, once I discovered the Soul Sister Community in Berlin is when I started learning that my color, my features, my hair are PRECIOUS.
Comparisons came easy with all the many white friends around me – but once I was frequently surrounded by Talented Black Women, who taught me so much about myself and what beauty means – I had no time and no interest to compare myself to anyone. All I cared about was to begin loving, accepting (it is a word I really have to use) and appreciating my Blackness.
Comparisons can be a valuable source of motivation and growth, BUT it is also one of self-doubts best friends. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN AND MUCH TO LOSE
I am still learning, but I am enjoying every moment of my Growth!
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
- its time consuming
- be grateful for the good things you have
- become aware of your achievements
- YOU ARE UNIQUE
photos by: @catchinggold
Hugs & Sunshine to you all